Sleep - Tough Love

One of the biggest challenges for me with Jules has been that he is not a great sleeper. Before we went to the US in June, he had gotten down to 1-2 wakings a night, which was manageable, but with the changes of the trip and then the return to New Zealand he got much, much worse. Since returning from the US at the beginning of August, my darling boy was waking 4-5 times a night and wanting to nurse every time for 20-40 minutes. I would take him into my bed to settle and nurse him, and he would then not go back to his own bed.

He also had stopped eating much during the day (solids) and was just wanting to nurse. It was like having a gigantic newborn again, and I was getting drained and rundown. After two months of restful times at my parents in the US, it only took two weeks of Jules not sleeping to have me exhausted anew.

Steve and I decided that something needed to be done, so this past weekend, we changed our approach drastically. Jules has been cut off from nursing at night, and also from coming into our bed. When he cries, we go in and soothe him, but then leave again. This morning, which was the third night of the new regime, crying and soothing went on for two hours from 4.30 to 6.30 am and nearly broke my heart. But the encouraging thing was that before 4.30 am, he hadn't woken at all. Last week, he was waking at 10, 12, 2, 4 and 6. Not good. So, heartbreaking though it is, no nursing at night is clearly working.

We are also trying to break his habit of nursing to sleep for naps, as once he starts daycare in four weeks time, I will not be there to nurse him to sleep. This morning he cried for 30 seconds after I put him down for his nap, and then was quiet. When I checked on him, he was fast asleep. I can see already that he is forming new habits.

It has been so hard to deny my boy the things he so clearly yearns for - nursing and closeness - and I have only been able to do so as I have gotten to the point where I would not be able to care for him well if things were to continue in his preferred way. Steve's support at night has been crucial, as I also couldn't have resisted doing what I knew would comfort Jules instantly if Steve hadn't been there holding my hand.

This is what some people call tough love, and I for one am finding it very tough, but the alternative is impossible, so we shall continue.